Updated: Jan 3
There has been a lot written on the topic of Toxic People. As you read my blog today, perhaps you are thinking about some people in your life that might fall into this category from your past or unfortunately they may still be in your life today.
Toxic people can come in a vast array of types.
The “controller”. A person that seeks to control your every move through manipulation, fear, deceit, intimidation or even pity.
The “alienator”. A person who seeks to alienate your family and friends, by disrespecting and tearing down the character of important people in your life who might be a threat to the alienator's control of you. Often, they will spread or speak false information about you to your family and friends to rid them from your life. Remember the alienator seeks to have ultimate control of you.
The “narcissist”. Narcissists are everywhere. They’re in your workplace, your school, and your community. They might even be in your home. Narcissists are more selfish and self-serving than the average person, but they still, have the capacity to care about others in support of fulfilling their own needs. There are a lot of traits that help you identify this person in your life. I will only share a few.
Some traits of a narcissist include nitpicking and demeaning you, ensuring not to empower you in any way. They love to give unsolicited advice. They just cannot stop themselves as they are convinced they are smarter than you and your approach to a situation is simply stupid. Keep in mind well-meaning solicited advice from family or close friends is normal, just do not confuse this with the advice of a narcissist. They enjoy “raining on your parade”; perhaps you are particularly proud of an accomplishment. A narcissist will seek to find some way to downplay your accomplishment or play the game I call “can you top this”. “Can you top this” is when the narcissist will take the situation or accomplishment that you are feeling happy about and tell stories of their accomplishments that are surely superior to yours. Finally, they make sure everyone they meet knows how superior they are; I have this, I have that, I am this and you are lower than me.
There is plenty to write about on the subject of toxic people, but I want to keep it short. Simply put, rid these people from your life. Hence the word toxic. They only bring stress, low self-esteem, depression, and guilt.
To rid yourself of these people, you have to set boundaries that come with a cost to the toxic person. You can be sure that at some point they will surely overstep these boundaries and your reaction must be to remove them from your life.
As you rid the “toxics” from your life, these people will seek their revenge in the form of assassinating your character with friends, family and any person in your life. Do not react to this behavior, as you will only be honoring their behavior with your attention and basically giving them back control. Having no reaction is the best action. The toxic person will become enraged at the fact that you simply don’t care. The real people in your life will know the truth or in due time they will come to learn the truth about who you are and what you are. We have a saying in America about hearing or receiving bad information about someone, we say…….“consider the source”. For my German friends, this means you must consider the character of the person who is speaking wrongly of you.