I opened the back door to the deck and there it was ~ Autumn.
Nothing to see just the feel. It's 56 degrees and feels like fall and the thing is, I'm OK with it. School starts for Willa in 2 days and our routine will be back.
No more the only one up on quiet mornings like this ... back to the bustle and structure. I am better with routine and so is my family. We will fall into this routine and perhaps ease some of the tension that has been too apparent in our days lately. One can only hope.

Posted by sunybank at 01:03 PM

Did I see -10 on my thermometer?
Perhaps I should put on my glasses ....
or better yet put (back) on my bathrobe and GO BACK TO BED!!

Posted by sunybank at 11:56 AM

Today?
Did nothing.
Period.
You got somethin' to say about that?

Posted by sunybank at 11:12 PM

On Mother's Day, I wanted to share a piece on what it means to be a mother. This is not my writing, I do not know the author. This is not about my daughter and I, but it could be, as it could be for any of you. It's a little lengthy, but I think it's worth the reflection on Mother's Day. Enjoy:

For my daughter, who I hope will one day understand, and for all the moms and daughters I know. . . .

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.

She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell.

She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years -- not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a caesarian scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God . . . that of being a Mother.

Posted by sunybank at 01:22 PM

It is about time that these guys got to play in the snow.

And it is about time that Birding Girl got to relish that unique feeling of a snow-day off from school.
Now we are all home - it is Valentines Day - I made a cinnamon coffee cake for breakfast, I have TWO boxes (one a heart) of DOVE dark chocolate assortment - and I have no where to go! -sigh-
however - I'd rather have a root canal

You see, today I had scheduled a "sick" day off from work as I had a doctor's appt. with a new doctor today at 9:00 am - and an appointment for a root canal today at 12:30.
The dr's apt, I have been waiting 10 weeks for - specialists are often hard to see, and the root canal is sort of an emergency as I lost a filling, have an exposed nerve and on Saturday he put in a temporary filling that lasted until just about YESTERDAY!!!!!!!
Now when I actually WANT to have the root canal ... they cancel me due to weather!
YIKES! So, I will be consuming much extra-strength Tylenol along with that dark chocolate ... and try to enjoy my day off anyway.

Posted by sunybank at 07:22 PM

Happy Birthday to me ..

One more year down, tucked away and ready to start the next ... so as of tomorrow I begin my 52nd year, and I'm actually looking forward to it. Getting "older" is not as bad as I had feared. I am beginning to work on the second half of my life ... if only I have that many years left!
Today was a great day, at least after running out of the house early to go "rescue" my niece KT who had an auto accident (more than a fender-bender / less than a crash) and helping her hook up with her mom and another car (I hear she is thanking me with a sack of Godiva dark chocolate for my birthday and she even promises not to eat it before I see her next weekend.)
After that my day settled in. I received lot's of birthday phone calls and e-mails. Birding Dad came home early and brought me lunch - our traditional lunch-for-two. I did a little scrapbooking, and birding girl played her flute for me while I fixed dinner. Just being home and able to fix dinner for us was a treat. I'm glad I took the day off. Tonight, a visit from my sister, brother-in-law and my dad for cake (Mmmmmm Carrot Cake).

Even a suprise late-evening call from one of my favorite cousins - and again, it's nice to feel grounded in family, and tradition and the people who know you so well and love you anyway.
Thank-you to step-daughters, grandchildren, sister's, nieces, nephews, cousin's, friends and especially my daughter and husband for making this another of the most special days in my 51 short years.

Posted by sunybank at 04:24 AM

I am home (bringing a box of files and my report with me)
Brandy is home (after two unsuccessful attempts this afternoon to get over the mountain).
We are a whole family once more.

Posted by sunybank at 01:21 AM

I could just be that I am back in the blogging world!
Joelle blogmoxie fixed my trouble witht the comments and I am lucky enough unfortunately home sick again today ... so I have time to delete all the spam ... and get back to it!
THANK YOU JOELLE!
I owe you my firstborn (any time you want to stop by and pick her up it's OK, I'm just warning you she's 13)
I am however too ill-feeling to go into much chatting today ... I will just mention that it smells like spring outside ... even though it is only in the 30's.

Posted by sunybank at 08:06 PM

I don't think I've been here since November - or was it October?
Life has a way of being too busy for even the smallest of pleasures.
I don't even have a winter skin!!! (oh the shame of it all).
New Years Eve.
Resolutions? NO
But we do need to get control of our finances (after this past month spending all kinds of $$$ we don't have!)
Milestones this year:
I turned 50
My daughter turned 13
I got a laptop
I got an ipod
I have resigned to stay at my current job and make the best of it.
I have given up on housework.

How's that for a person sorely in need of resolutions?

Posted by sunybank at 03:01 PM | TrackBack

Is it?

I know Spring is trying to show itself ... I can hear it in the songs of the birds ... I can smell it when I open the door and step out onto the deck ... I can see it in the returning Robins and Redwing Black birds.

Did I mention I saw my first Redwing?

The return of the Red Wing Blackbirds each spring always seemed to coincide with my father's birthday ... or at least that's what he said.
"The Redwings come back for my birthday" he would say (and still does, I believe). As a child, I was not sure if this was a fact or just a coincidence of nature. However year ~ after ~ year ... there they were!
Now I watch ... and wait ... looking out my window each morning to see if I see one. Now I listen ... as I walk the dog early each morning to hear their distinctive call.
On March 13th (the day BEFORE dad's birthday) he called to say that he and mom had seen their first - less than 20 hours ahead of schedule.
The next morning I watched and listened .. no Redwings. ... and then, on Wednesday ~ the 16th ~ There it was! Not in my yard ... but perched on a reed alongside the road as I crested the hill, and entered the State Park area. I was headed to work ... but I grabbed my phone (and used the headset of course, c'mon, I was driving!) and called my Dad.
Now it's settled ... we have seen the family "totem" of Spring and the warm days will soon arrive. The tradition remains, and the cycle of the seasons holds constancy in this uncertain life we live.

Posted by sunybank at 07:10 AM | TrackBack