There is a song by Dar Williams titled "The End of the Summer" and there is a line in it "...it's the end of the summer when you send your children to the moon..." it's stuck in my head this morning.
If you know the song, and you're a mom ... well it's a melancholy feeling, whatever you are thinking on the outside, or whatever they sell you on the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" Staples commercial.

Posted by sunybank at 12:43 PM

OK, so I'm not blogging much these days.
Seems like there's always something else to do and plenty of it!
Also ... I suppose I'm making an effort to be a little less self-centered than I usually tend to be...I've got so many demands on my time, work being the biggest demand, family being the biggest priority, that I sometimes forget there are others who need my time and attention.
Today we are going to help a friend pack and move, and I should have been there for her more throughout this whole packing up thing.
This has not been easy for her, it was not her choice - the whole divorce thing came as a shock to her and now the injustice of having to sell the home that she loves.
So today's for you - my closest friend - whatever you need, I'm here.

Posted by sunybank at 02:19 PM

as my daughter goes off to school today with considerable angst about the mid-terms that begin today
I go off to work with all the stress of being two weeks from the end of the reporting year and still 6 percentage points away from the corporate goal
and I think ....
I'd still rather be going to work than be back in High School
... just my opinion
What's yours?

Posted by sunybank at 11:44 AM

You may know what it's like ... when your best friend has been informed by her husband that he wants a divorce ... you watch her crumble, you hold on to the pieces ... trying frantically to put them back into place and keep her sane and on track (all the while inside you yourself are an emotional wreck) .. then you attend a funeral service for the father on another good friend, while she and her family weep with pure misery.
and all the while I have a million things undone, and three intense days ahead at work ... and I want to sleep ~ but it's September 11th and I wonder why how this existence ~ even this world is in the state it is in.
Life seems to be almost too hard for anyone to manage well, the news today indicates that this war will go on and on and on ... poverty and slum lords on tonights news ... my former boss has "given in" to his battle with cancer and stopped his chemo ...
If I could get up the courage to go to bed, I am afraid I would not sleep (or perhaps I am afraid I would sleep and fear for my dreams).
Yet in the morning the alarm will go off, and I will wake Birding Girl Willa for another day of freshman High School ... and send her off with prayers for her day ... and for the world she is growing up to face.

Posted by sunybank at 05:06 AM

Work is not stressful - it is one giant unmedicated nerve ending
and I could go on and on and on ...

yet last Friday my brother-in-law was in a very severe auto accident and walked (crawled) away with his life and body intact.
Saturday I received an e-mail from a former co-worker who is severly stricken with cancer and appears to be losing the battle.

In the scheme of things - the stress at work is just that, stress at work. What matters in this life is family, and friends and being there for each other in the tough times and in the good times and all the times in between.
It really is all about relationships and humankind and giving and loving and sharing and .... Good Lord I am rambling and I must be tired ... and you guys should go to bed and stop roaming blogs.

Posted by sunybank at 04:35 AM

I am determined not to have it this year -

Starting with Thanksgiving!
I have 17 18 coming for dinner (my long lost pseudo brother called and claims he'll be here - we'll see if that actually happens)
With four other adult women coming - much of the food prep is off my table (literally).
I have done my shopping
Now all that's left if for me to clean this house!!

EEEEKKKK - Caution - Stress Attack ahead!

Let's see - today I work until 9 PM, tomorrow it's 9 - 5
and that's Thanksgiving Eve.
Ya think I can get it all clean by then?
No way - so ---- no stress right?
Anyway, with 17 18 people in my house ... who can see anything?So am I alone?
Are you stressing over the holidays??

Posted by sunybank at 01:57 PM

No, what you think I'm asking in NOT what I'm asking.
The question is this:
When there is a perfectly good bed upstairs (and even a TV in the bedroom) Why, oh why do we ALWAYS fall asleep on the couch ... wake up and some ridiculous hour and crawl up to bed and under the covers?

...especially when this involves turning down the heat, letting the dogs our, shutting off lights, feeding the pet turtle, setting up the coffee for the morning, unloading and folding the clothes that are now cold and lying in the dryer .... at which time we are WIDE AWAKE and have trouble getting back to sleep?
Do you do this too? Or is it just a dysfunction of this particular family?

Posted by sunybank at 04:48 AM

Well, of course we attended the town parade. All five of us (I'm the one behind the camera)

You can click to enlarge the photo - in case the dogs don't look big enough for you.
What else did we do?

Went out for Ice Cream
Took the dogs for a walk in town (disastrous - see last entry)
Went to the American Legion B-B-Q, mostly to support my dad, a WWII veteran, and of course, a grandpa who loves to show off his granddaughter.
Took the dogs down to the creek for a swim.
Ate outside on the deck - as often as my allergies could stand it.
Cursed the tree pollen.
Birding Dad took us to his new favorite store Tractor Supply (whee!)
Although - I did find on their website that they have a very cool backyard birding link. Go check it out!

Posted by sunybank at 12:35 PM

What do you do?
Church is over
Birding Dad cut the grass until the rain stopped all his fun
Birding Girl and her friend-for-the-weekend are playing video games
Me?
There are bills to pay
Laundry to tackle
Checkbooks to balance
carpets and floors to vacuume (Did I mention that #1 dog is shedding)
(see extended entry for the irony in this statement)
and I don't want to do any of it.... isn't this my "Day of Rest"?

When we got dog #2 - I'm sure that somewhere in the contract with the breeder I stated that the contract will become void if the NEW Berner refuses to shed at the same time as our CURRENT Berner.
And did this happen???????
No.
#1 Berner has been shedding at the rate of 2 bags per day - for the past three weeks to the point that her winter coat is almost gone and HE HAS NOT YET BEGUN TO SHED AT ALL!
Even though I sat him down two weeks ago and sternly charged him to begin the spring shedding NOW!
So, in result, the vacuume still lives in the front hallway so that it is accessible 3 or 4 times per day - and to make matters WORSE (or just more ironic)...
#1 Berner chewed the floor attachment to the vacuume last night to the point of no return ... (sigh)

Posted by sunybank at 06:28 PM

Did you know that they call THIS">THIS an ELIZABETHAN COLLAR?
Brandy's not recuperating - she dressing up!

Posted by sunybank at 01:00 PM

Brandy had her surgery yesterday ... surgery was over at 6:00pm ... we will call the vet at 8 to find out when to pick her up.

and if that is not enough to think about:

My report (that should not be MY report) at work is due tonight - to fed-ex overnight so that it will arrive tomorrow ... I have about 6 hours work left to accomplish before it is complete ...

and wait ... there's more. Remember the dog is about one hour away in the orthopaedic veterinary hospital. My job is about one hour away in a different direction.

It has just started snowing (7:30 am) and the prediction is for 8 - 10 inches.

I am not a happy camper .... and if you think I'm the only one ...

Birding Dad is barely speaking to me as I prepare to get in my car to go to work ... you can imagine why.
Birding girl???? Not sure what she's thinking as school has been cancelled and she's somewhere under three dolphin comfortors, six pillows and her stuff Bernese Mountain Dog puppy (in honor of her missing best friend)

Posted by sunybank at 12:23 PM

Don't you just love the Quiet of your house when you are home alone? This morning I had exactly two hours to myself ... and I didn't do much of anything .... sorry but I needed that!
Now it's off to work again ... 'nuff said.

Posted by sunybank at 03:13 PM

You may have noticed yesterday that I mentioned clutter,
anyone else have a clutter problem?
I think it's genetic, so it's not really anything to be ashamed of, right?
Anyway, I found this book Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston. Actually it was recommended at a seminar I attended (no not Clutterers Annonymous - it was a "women in balance" weekend that (feeling a little in need of balance) I attended with my best friend.
(just in case you feel like being jealous - we went to Mohonk Mountain House for this weekend - go take a look)
Anyway, the speaker spent a good deal of her presentation on Feng Shui, something which I usually poo-poo as new-agey hype. Then suddenly she started talking about "clutter" and the impact of "clutter" on your personal balance and stress and feelings of contentment. Suddenly I started paying attention!
So of course I went out and bought the book ....

The concept - I'm sure you've heard is "If you don't Love it, Use it or Need it - get rid of it" Makes me start to look around the house and think "hmmmmmm....." (although as I was cautioned by a good friend and relative - this also includes those to whom you are legally obligated to care for until they are 18).
"Clear your Clutter with Feng Shui" by Karen Kingston speaks to my own feelings in some ways I did not expect. Consider this quote
"When your home is filled with things that you love or use well it becomes an incredible source of support and nourishment for you. Clutter, on the other hand, drags your energy down, and the longer you keep it, the more it will affect you. When you get rid of everything that has no real meaning or significance for you, you literally feel lighter in body, mind and spirit. ... Your home is an outward representation of what is going on inside you, so if you are messy on the outside there is a corresponding mess of some kind on the inside too. By sorting out the outer, the inner starts slotting neatly into place"
Now I am not advocating this as my new religion or philosophy at all. I am first and foremost a Christian and I look to God for my strength, but I'm simply saying that I can relate to the impact of spacial clutter on my inner calm. Anyone agree here?
Well, so far we have done a total overhaul of our attic, and that resulted in 12 large black trash bags and numerous boxes, not to mention the bags pushed into the "good-will" bins in the bowling alley parking lot. Birding Dad put up some shelves, and we moved a few old dressers into the attic and now almost everyting has a place (oh, and we can actually WALK AROUND up there.
Do you have any idea how good it felt to do this attic clearing!! Like taking a weight off my chest ... I could really get hooked on this unclutter stuff ...
Currently I am still reading the book, and will work on living space next.
So don't anyone sit still too long around here you just might find yourself in a dumpster!

Posted by sunybank at 04:39 AM

Not only is she back ... but she gets comments! (I'm lucky to have friends that still check on me after all this time!)

and a lot of pain-in-the-neck trackback pings ... anyone want to tell me how to stop them)

Margie wants to know what's been going on .... well ... keep reading

work is work ... and so we deal with it in that frame of mind. It still has it's rewarding moments, and some great people ... when I loose my faith in the people, then I'll move on.
Or perhaps ... I'll move on when I get fired ... an event my boss "threatens" everyone with at least once a week in our managers meeting, and at various other times when he wants to get the importance of a task across to us (obviously stupid and scared) subordinates.
Would be nice if he could learn another tactic ... this one's getting old and has lost it's punch.
home is great ... cluttered and messy as usual ... and a little stressy right now as Birding Girl is planning a "party before and after the school dance" tomorrow ... and Mom is not really supposed to be helping ... but can't hold back her opinions and directions ... (isn't that what moms are supposed to do?)
Birding Dad came home from work for the second day in a row with tales of huge flocks of snow geese seen while travelling from one job to another (he's a surveyor).
(personally I am not sure I believe in Snow Geese, as most birders I know have seen them in these remarkable flocks ... but I have never seen even ONE!)
Just to prove the point, he came home with PICTURES today... so I'll share them with you. These were taken in North-West Jersey.
Click to view better.

Do you suppose I should believe him now?

Posted by sunybank at 01:02 AM

Watched a fun video last night
The Joy of Stress with Loretta LaRoche

we all need to laugh at ourselves now and then, and this did it.

Posted by sunybank at 01:00 PM | TrackBack

Trying again to get started here.... or continue or whatever.
My first item on the agenda is to figure out why my comment screen does not work. So ... as soon as I do I'll attempt to get back into the swing of ranting and venting and thinking out loud (on-line).
Thanks for being patient!

Posted by sunybank at 01:48 PM | TrackBack

I am not gone, I just have no time.
Work is overwhelming right now ... the problems at church are consuming ... and the rest of the time I am saving for my family!

Posted by sunybank at 12:56 AM

I'm back.
(well I've actually been back for days, but have not had time to write this)
did I say I was going away?
No, not away exactly ... but on vacation, which included a vacation from my computer (which was good for me).
More than a vacation however, the past week was a powerful lesson for me, a lesson in how to relax. Now you may say that "vacation" and "relax" are synonymous, but they are NOT. Go back into the reality of all your vacation memories and you will find that the planning, scheduling, packing, organizing, traveling and stressing was far more a part of the vacation than you expected ... or choose to remember. If you want to "travel" then of course all of the preceding agonies are necessary, but if you want to "vacation", well I have found a way around all of the above.

STAY HOME and take a vacation from your ROUTINE!
Yup, that's what we did, although we modified the "home" part a little, we stayed in our backyard!
Every year we camp ... in a pop-up trailer, in a campground near the ocean ... about three hours from home.
This year we camped ... in a pop-up trailer, in our backyard, near our small pool and a babbling brook ... about one minutes walk from our deck.
Alone for a few days ... then my step-daughter came with the boys ... we still relaxed ... and laughed ... and read books ... and the kids swam ... and we did nothing. (floating in a raft in the pool does not count as exercise I was told).
Vacation at home? Crazy you're thinking right? I have pictures to prove all this!
Not so crazy. I am more relaxed than I have been in about three years. Truth.
No schedules, no alarm clock, no TV (well, we HAD to run up and turn on the METS game when the radio announcer said there were two players down and not moving), no video games (until Saturday when we gave the kids a break from the 108 temps to sit indoors for a few hours and play), no computer (well, within reason, Birding Dad had to check his am news, and I did have to check the e-mail now and then), no financial outlay, no gas prices to worry about, no PACKING, no FORGETTING anything.
As I mentioned, this was a powerful lesson for me. I have learned ... that there are things I can give up, and how to identify the things that cause the stress (for each of us these may be different). I was told by four individuals that I looked "younger" and "more relaxed". I realized that this is also a great treatment for age lines ... without the BOTOX! No kidding! (and I know this is true because after three days at work this week I came home and my husband exclaimed ... "NO! those lines between your eyebrows are back!" Quick! Relax!
By the way ... the slide show is HERE

Posted by sunybank at 07:39 PM | TrackBack

Scene:
You are walking through the employee lounge at work, on your way to the copy machine ....
On the table you see ________?________ ...
You unconsciously reach for the snack and stuff in into your mouth because YOU JUST CAN'T HELP YOURSELF.

What was that snack / sweet ?
for me it's ...

Big Fat Chocolate Brownies!

I can NEVER say "NO"
What's your weakness?

Posted by sunybank at 12:20 PM | TrackBack

When you feel overwhelmed, and like nothing is going right, sometimes life hands you the acutal "lemonaide" in lieu of the ususal lemons. This is EXACTLY what I need!

Posted by sunybank at 04:14 PM | TrackBack

This morning I actually have three free hours ...
free ...
to make phone calls to the bank, set up my internet banking with the "new" bank; Change some drs appointments to accommodate vacation schedules; catch up on some work details while I am at home and it's quiet; sort/calculate/and (perhaps) pay some bills; wash sheets; clean up the breakfast dishes; call work (since I am not there, and there are some things I need to be involved in that are going on there this morning. ... and maybe ... just maybe ... blog a little

No, don't say "you just did". This was just a rant, not any kind of writing.

before I pick up Birding Girl from Band Camp at noon, run her to the orthodontist for noon-thirty, then come home and run my little (just an expression) butt to work for the rest of the day and the evening.

Who said Summer was for relaxing????
I still hold it against my mother, who never MADE ME bacome a teacher (even though I didn't want to). Then I could be home with Birding Girl and perhaps ENJOY the summer months.
Enough ranting ... I have work to do.

Posted by sunybank at 02:52 PM | TrackBack

Sorry for the rant last night - I know that's not like me.
I'm feeling better this morning, because I just talked to my best friend and she's coming to visit tomorrow.

Posted by sunybank at 03:06 PM | TrackBack

Three days off and now it's back to the grind.
Funny how much difference a three-day weekend can make.
Birding Dad is sick again, and will be going to the Dr. This is too long with this to be not treated for something ... so let's hope they find an answer today.
In the meantime, Birding Girl will be his nurse-in-charge.

Posted by sunybank at 12:59 PM | TrackBack

There are no words to describe how great a haircut can make you feel!
In my case, we (my stylist and I) have been trying to "grow out" my hair into a longer style for about 7 months ... maybe more.
With the time it was taking me to "do" it in the mornings ... and my total hatred of how it turned out every day ...
I trotted in for my "summer cut" and WOW is it short!

Lori has been cutting my hair for 28 years ... since I was 21 (you do the math) and so when I said "short" and she said "I have something in mind ... can I do it?"
I said "sure"
Amazing, I thought ... how much I trust her.
I'm a bit punk ... spikey ... but definitey much much happier with the look ... and did I mention that it took me 6 minutes to "do" my hair this morning?
WOW ... left me enough time to run the vacuume and blog a minute before work!

Posted by sunybank at 12:49 PM | TrackBack

Did you ever anticipate something with dread ...
convince yourself that this was going to be difficult and awkward at best?
loose sleep over what to say, what to wear ... what to expect ... ?
pray for strength to say and do the right things ... ?

and then the day comes, and it is amazinly easy! No problems! The person you meet is GREAT ... agrees with all of your ideas ... conversation comes so natural to you both that you loose track of time?
and your fears all disolve into the busy-ness of the day !???

yeah, me too.

Posted by sunybank at 11:39 AM | TrackBack

still ... still here
Quick Update:
* busy weekend
* Great father's day
* Mondays are my least favorite day of the week
* off to work

My thoughts this morning ramble around stuff like this:

If you were old enough or rich enough to retire ... how would you spend your days?

Posted by sunybank at 12:45 PM | TrackBack

What? Oh sure, it makes sense, and it sells books (and this was one of my very favorites) and even a magazine or two ... but at what cost? Explored this concept briefly with Margaret tonight, only to find that we really DO HAVE all the answers!

Our lives are not like those of our grandparents ... our children are not like our parents were in their early teens.
Life is fast, information technology is instant and the opportunities for our kids are there for the taking, opportunities WE did not have.
So, do you deny your son the opportunity to play little-league, so that your family can "simplify" and eat dinner together?
Do you deny your daughter the opportunity to compete in gymnastics ... when she excels in the sport ... so that you can stop being the eternal chauffer and cease all the running around?
Do you deny your daughter the opportunity to have a concert band / concert
concert on a Wednesday night, choir and band practice on a Thursday night, and voice lessons on Friday because she loves music and can claim it as something that defines her and is an outlet for her self-expression ... so that you can stress less (and perhaps skip your Saturday morning sessions with your stress-counselor)?

No moms, we don't. Our name is leigon and we will continue at this level of activity and hope we make it to the later years when they have lives of their own, and children of their own ... and perhaps THEN we can "simplify" (in between the grand children's soccer/little leage/karate and various other events we will certainly attend).
In the meantime, steal a moment when you can to hold the hand of your spouse, and try not to talk about anything.

Posted by sunybank at 07:33 AM | TrackBack

...and so dear friends another weekend is behind us, and it's back to work. But what a weekend it was here! The weather was in high-cooperation mode, and our picnic yesterday was great! We worked all Saturday and Sunday on the fencs, the yard, the NEW VERY BLUE BATHROOM, and cleaning the house.
Now when I enter my bedroom ~ I enter a horror movie titled "When Laundry Fights Back" (insert drum roll) it is every where, spilling out of the laundry room (which is usually behind those folding doors in my bedroom), through doors that won't close, in color-coordinated piles on the bedroom floor and in baskets of clean-but-as-yet-unfolded laundry.
I have two hours before I need to leave for work ... so wish me luck!

P.S. Admit it ... it takes a BRAVE woman to show her piles of laundry to the world.

Posted by sunybank at 01:50 PM | TrackBack

Now that it's Wednesday ... want to hear about yesterday?
Tuesday morning they were back ... with a vengence, perhaps (quite possibly) they are not demons at all, but my own overactive polyphasic mind compounding every issue and slamming it at my heart. But they feel like dozens of little gremlins jumping and screaming and attacking me.
That's why the palpitations, the shaking hands the crying and the panic in my chest ... and all this while driving to work in the morning rush-hour traffic. It's 7:55, I am ten minutes from work, and I have an 8:00 meeting.
I called my husband, who tried to be soothing, but without malice brought up the overdraft at the bank (due to a bank error) and the $900.00 car repair bill that had to be paid today ... and am I going to call the bank when I get to work ....

he meant well, but ... needless to say, I had to ask him to change the subject because when I am having a stress attack I DON'T NEED MORE THINGS TO STRESS ABOUT!
Work was no better .... and to top off the deadlines, schedule of meetings after meetings ... the NEW corporate suits (and skirts) were in the building to "meet" us and "discuss" the changes persuant to the take-over.
(on a side note, it is interesting to now be owned by a company that actually has WOMEN in power positions, women who are NOT the CEO's daughter)
My temples started pounding, and were sensitive to the touch ... someone suggested I might be "clenching" (go figure) but the Massage Therapy teacher informed me that pain and sensitivity in this area is actually my Gall Bladder (here we go again) and was I "stressed or angry about anything?" ... (hence "you've got your gall up") ...
The day therefore compounded itself, and I even did try to talk to the bank, and got more aggravation ...
Five-o'clock came ... and went ... and at 5:40 I left for home ....
an hour later, upon arrival home (ready to start dinner, laundry and continue to stress about home stuff (nice to change focus at least) ... my husband met me at the door, escorted me through the house and out to the deck, where a bud vase with two Rubra Lillies, a bottle of Pinot Grigio and two wine glasses were waiting.
(you may say "awwwww" now)
He pampered me, informed me that he was grilling a steak and that I was to do nothing except relax all evening.
About 1/2 hour later, while pouring drinks for dinner (and having consumed too much wine on an empty stomach)my daughter started being silly ... she got me laughing ... she kept on being silly ... I was laughing until I cried ... and then we laughed some more. My husband came in from the deck with the steak, smiling at our silliness and pronounced "this family does not relax enough".
Lesson learned ~ we'll have to do this again some night. But now it's morning, and I have wet clothes in the washer that I never dried last night, dry clothes in the dryer that need to be folded and put away, a dishwasher full of clean dishes and a sink full of dirty dishes. The coffee pot is not set up to brew, the phone messages were not answered, and I have no clothes ready for work ... it was nice while it lasted.

Posted by sunybank at 11:55 AM | TrackBack

1) If you take two "almost-13-year-old" girls to the mall to shop ... do not expect to buy YOURSELF anything ... and you will not be disappointed when you come home and realize that your only purchase that was not for them ... was the water-filter cartridge for the fridge that you picked up at Sear$.

2) You can never truely "catch up" on laundry, missed sleep, paperwork or friends, for that matter.

3) The two-day weekend goes faster than the 5-day work week ...

4) The Bernese Mountain Dog sheds all year round ... but ...

in the Spring they HAVE CRATES OF LOOSE DOG HAIR SENT TO THE HOUSE UPS, WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK, SIGN FOR IT, WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK, AND SCATTER IT ALL OVER THE HOUSE, WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK. This is done so that you still have the joy of brushing a Shop-Rite bag full of hair off them every morning, and vacuuming every eve when you get home.

5) In the spring it makes more sense to leave the vacuume IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM, to avoid lugging it upstars every morning, and down every evening (and all those times in between).

6) I get sentimental at weddings, and always silently committ to pay more attention to my spouse and my marriage in general.

7) Men think that a wedding attended with their wives is something just sort of a written agreement that they will "get s0me" that night.

8) I have no tolerance for people who "dig in" when slighted by a family member (or co-worker), and plan "pay back" for the slight ... and never consider the option of "communicating" their hurt ... and putting the issue aside. (and these are the people who love to tell you what "so and so" did, and "can you SEE why I am so upset" and "wait until next year when it's her turn to (fill in blank) I'll show her how it feels!)

9) When people ask me my opinion I don't always have to come up with something agreeable to theirs (and golleee ~ I learned it before I turn 50)

10) at 1:00 am, I am too tired to blog coherently **begs your forgiveness and quietly climbs up to bed** (I'll post this in the morning after I fix the typos)

Posted by sunybank at 09:33 AM | TrackBack

when your new boss asks you to go to a baseball game ...

in an hour ...
because his brother is in the hospital (hence the extra ticket)...
and his girlfriend is tied up in meetings all day ...
and the die-hard (male) METS fan in your office (that he of course asked first) can't go because he has to take his girlfriends kids to a carnival ...
and someone mentioned that YOU were also a METS fan ...

It is not a date, for all of the above reasons ... but mostly because your decline the offer (graciously, of course) for several reasons. Such as:
1) you have work to do this afternoon
2) you are in a light skirt and heels and it's a cloudy, rainy, cool day.
3) you are a METS fan ... but not exactly the biggest fan.
4) you have only known this man about 5 weeks, and for crying out loud he's your BOSS and what would you talk about for the next 5 hours?
5) you don't want to listen to you co-workers comments for the next six years!
6) and he's going because he's ROOTING FOR THE OTHER TEAM!!!!

Well, c'mon ... what would YOU have done???
p.s. Phew! Good thing I didn't go isn't it?

Posted by sunybank at 08:01 AM | TrackBack

1) The Braces ...

She was a trooper, and as I sat there watching her I was proud ... and a little overwhelmed at where the past 12 years have gone. Here she is in all her braced glory (and a little leftover makeup after hanging out at home with a girlfriend all day) Smile!
2) The Job ...
We're still SOLD and we're still not sure of all the details of the new company. We only know that they bought our name, and our programs and that a large percentage of the employees will remain. Still, whether one thinks THEY will be in that percentage or not ... any loss will be hard ... we have gone through so many changes this past year ... and any more will take us even further away from the "Way it used to be". Closing is scheduled for June 1st ... I'll update by then I'm sure.
3) Today is my little sister's birthday ... well, yesterday I guess, as this will probably be finished and posted some time in the morning. I am missing her terribly this year ... although she has lived in Tennessee (or other parts of the "south") for over fifteen years now (maybe more)... Anyway since she doesn't have a weblog ~ shout out a Happy Birthday to her here and I'll see that she gets it! Thanks!
4) I am still in the process of making an "album" for the sidebar with photos from the school play "Suessical the Musical". Check back for the link to the photos ~ and at the same time I'll start an album for the "fence" project.

Posted by sunybank at 09:03 AM | TrackBack

and after a week like this one ... what could be better than this:

I am home ...
Birding Girl cleaned the house today while she was off from school ...
I had no computer all day at work so I actually accomplished a lot of "paperwork" (remember that?) that needed to get done...
... and we have no plans for tonight ...
What's up for YOUR Friday night? (red or white?)

(Cavit - Pinot Grigio for me)

Posted by sunybank at 11:41 PM | TrackBack

That afternoon cup of DD coffee

(Hazlenut here - with 1/2 and 1/2)
How do you take yours?

Posted by sunybank at 08:43 PM | TrackBack

up until 3 am, sewing velcr0 on six wrist bands for the "olympics" at someone's school today. Back up at 5:30 ... Still have two to complete ... my sore little fingers are not up to this.
Coffee ... where's my coffee ...

Posted by sunybank at 06:38 AM | TrackBack

It's raining buckets
The goldfinches are turning gold
My Phoebe is BACK
... and it's Saturday!
Three out of four ain't bad!

Posted by sunybank at 01:10 PM | TrackBack

See...

I AM "Playing"

Posted by sunybank at 07:13 PM | TrackBack

So? How was your Easter? For us it was a full weekend!

* Re: movie frustration: Apparently Bl0ckbu$ter does not stock any of the old - classic - Easter movies I was looking for either. My wonderful husband trekked out to two video stores searching to no avail. I was able to find Ben Hur on TV Friday afternoon, however it was the ANIMATED edition ... and quickly lost interest, although the voice was indeed that of Charlton Heston, the cinematography was lacking in the chariot race scene.

* You may recall that several weeks ago, I purchased a 5' folding table, set it up in the living room complete with a drafting light and compiled all my scrapbooking materials and boxes of photos underneath it.

It has been sitting there for 5 weeks just collecting dust (what was supposed to be my "me" time, my "play" time ... simply became another item on my "to-do" list). Well on Saturday afternoon I DID FINALLY begin my project of scrapbooking my DI$NEY vacation photos from 2 years ago. I currently have 15 pages laid out and stacked and am about 1/4 way through my photos! Wish me luck.

* Easter Sunday morning was busy with two church services, the first one a full hour drive North of here. But the church youth band played the early contemporary service for this church, and we had a great experience there. After our own service we went to my sister's for Easter dinner. It was so good to be with family, especially since all three of my college-age nieces and nephew were home for the day.

* OH! and I finally got a copy of Middlesex from the library and started it yesterday! I have been waiting for this I think forever The book club over at Ya Gotta Believe will be finished before I begin! More about the book? look here

* since birding girl has the week off, we are trying to do some special things. Yesterday dad was home and took her bowling! He hasn't bowled in years, but had a great come-back, and my daughter is boasting "I Play a Sport!" (something quite new for her). Today I'm taking a DAY OFF and we're meeting my sister at the Y this afternoon to swim.

* and on a very "bright" note... today I saw my first Goldfinch starting to return to "gold"! Spring is indeed in the air!

Posted by sunybank at 08:48 AM | TrackBack

If the birds are singing ~ is it Spring (even though the ground is covered with SNOW)?
If it's Eastertide ~ is it Spring (even though it's 36 degrees outside)?
If you hang a spring wreath of pansies and purple ribbons on your front door is it Spring (even though there are icicles hanging from it)?

I know, I sound like a broken record, please forgive me, but I believe our moods are closely tied to nature ... the sun, the full moon, the smell of damp soft spring earth, the sounds of birds and water trickling in the stream. That said ... I'm having a little trouble connecting the paradox of the calendar vrs. the reality of today.

It's Good Friday, and while remembering the solemnity of the day, I am quietly rejoycing in A DAY OFF! from work!!
Birding girl has friends visiting, and I am catching up on blogging laundry. The laundry project could take the entire day ~ and into tomorrow so I may take a lot of few blogging breaks. It has been forever since I surfed old and new friends web homes, and I want to see what's going on out there.

Posted by sunybank at 02:59 PM | TrackBack

... a co-worker shared this with me ...
... want a chuckle? ....

Posted by sunybank at 09:22 PM | TrackBack

I am still sending folks over here to my new home, not everyone has found it yet. In fact, even I haven't found all the nuances that make this place run ... so bear with me!

... the old one will be gone shortly

Posted by sunybank at 07:14 AM | TrackBack

Not sure if I was intoxicated or sleeping
... but I know I was driving and I know I actually dozed off about 4 times.
Honest, and it was this morning on the way to work. (shhh.. don't tell my husband, he gets a little freaked about this stuff). I thought perhaps someone "spiked" my OJ, but I didn't have any. What I did have was two cups of coffee ... and I was still working on one in the car (apparently to no avail). When I finally pulled into the parking lot at work, I wasn't sure where I was! It's funny now ... was quite disconcerting at the time! Could have been the 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night.
Anyway, alls well that ends well and the up ide is that I have found a cure for narcolepsy sleepiness is apparently work. After about 1/2 hour of stress and phones and fires to put out ... I was WIDE awake!

Posted by sunybank at 02:33 PM

Is there anything more satisfying when you are hungry, and craving something really good ... than this??:

I know I shouldn't have ... but they're right here in the snack machine at work ... and it was sooo veeerrryy goooooood!

Posted by sunybank at 06:34 PM

Ten Things I've Done that You Probably Haven't

1. Rode cross country in a pickup truck, sleeping in rest areas - washing up in gas station bathrooms.
2. Raised a Raccoon from a baby to an adult.
3. Watched a Bald Eagle soar over my house.
4. Had my camera confiscated at Port-au-Prince airport (Haiti) for taking a picture of a customs agent.
5. Dressed up as Raggedy Ann for 5 years in a row at Christmas, to entertain children.
6. Watched my little sister fall through the ice on a frozen pond.
7. Married my best friend.
8. Ran out of gas in the middle lane (of 6) of the Santa Monica freeway at rush hour.
9. Been kissed by Peter Yarrow (of Peter Paul and Mary).
10. Won a science award in 3rd grade for identifying 20 wild bird flash cards.
borrowed Snagged from Cheeky Prof

Posted by sunybank at 07:42 AM

One of the plagues of our times is what I call "working mom guilt".
Our personal levels of self esteem play into this, mine being particularly lacking. I am constantly judging myself against other mothers ~ working mothers ~ and asking "Am I a GOOD MOTHER?"
This mornings home page article on MSN is "Super Moms" go ahead, take a look, but first ... answer a few questions for me.

1) Do you consider yourself a GOOD MOTHER?
2) What standards to you judge yourself by?
3) Do you think "other people" see you as a GOOD MOTHER?
4) Do you think your children feel you are a GOOD MOTHER? (will they someday?)

Posted by sunybank at 10:03 AM

Blogclicker

has a contest going today ~ too bad some of us are at work!
If you have time ~ join and surf away!

Posted by sunybank at 05:26 PM

I'd have to say we're off to a good start on the "new lifestyle for the birding family". My blog friend VJ suggested that I try the low-carb menu mailers from saving dinner.com as she has been through a similar situation with her husband. Imagine my suprise when I clicked on the link and found THAT LADY AGAIN!
THE CRAZY LADY! THAT FLY LADY! ... oh I have been through this before!

... so, I hesitated for about a day and a half, and then with the stated reassurance that I would not get 2000 e-mails a day telling me to clean my sink, put on my shoes or chop some veggies, I signed up. Guess what? I LIKE it! I have already tried two of the recipes and they are both easy enough for working families and quite good! In fact WE ALL like them!

Of course I do not make the things that I know Birding Girl would never touch, because I am one of those

over-indulgent moms

who does not force her child to eat whatever we are eating ~ nor do I enjoy making two entrees. So we adjust most of the time.
Birding dad has already dropped 6 pounds, and was excited to find that he actually enjoyed his Veggie Wrap at Subway yesterday (while the other guys got cheesy-greasey subs).
So, thanks to VJ!
Thanks to gulp Fly Lady and her menu mailers.
Thanks to the doctor for suggesting the book.
and thanks to Subway!
oh ... and thanks to Birding Girl who was very "grown-up" in helping me to food shop Sunday and make healthier choices for her day (whom she adores), and actually suggested we pass by the snacks and cookies she also adores!

Posted by sunybank at 09:06 AM

OK, how old are you? as old as I am?
I was just having a conversation with a co-worker (who is about my age) about make-up, particularly my 12-year-old daughter's penchant for "lip gloss". The child has about 7 or 8 "pot's" of lip gloss, multiple brush-on, sponge-on and squeeze-on glosses, and now as of yesterday (when she "had to" purchase two more), 6 lip gloss compacts! ("Mom,a girl can never have TOO MUCH lip gloss!)
Ah ... but, I digress. Our conversation evolved around make-up and the fact that every generation has it's make-up "fad's" ... and what was ours?
Well, we're talking the 60's here folks, and it seems that this co-worker and I BOTH wore:
* Peel-off black eyeliner
* Yardley Glimmericks paints (as worn by "Twiggy", yes, I painted on the "Twiggy" lashes ... and flowers too)
and the best yet ...
* WHITE lipstick
Do you remember any of these?
If not, what was the make-up horror fad when YOU were a teen?

Posted by sunybank at 11:25 AM

Brand New it's
Blogazoo!



Just found this yesterday, and the surfing just started today.
OH, go ahead, maybe you'll find some new blogs!
by the way - - - I'm still looking for recipes!!!

Posted by sunybank at 11:14 AM

Read this article yesterday.
Wha???
Women get their financial habits from their mothers???
Now I have to think about this...

My mother is frugal ... not the penny-pinching sort, just the ultra-sensible type who judges everything before she buys.
Not so with me. I have no time to cut coupons, read the sale papers, shop for which store has this coffee pot for three dollars less...etc. I'm lucky I can find the time to FOOD SHOP!!!
Did you read the article?
* It says that those of us who grew up in the 60's and 70's got mixed messages from our parents example and from the changing societal issues. Were we to become SAHMs or become career oriented? My mother did both. She was a SAHM for our younger years ... but when "push came to shove" she went back to work. When she did this, she kept the same home responsibities with the exception of meeting m father once a week after work at the Pathmark so that they could shop together (my father tookover the food shopping when he retired).
* The other point the article brought up was that we (of that generation) learned by example that the mothers were in charge of the family finances...as opposed to the generation before, when women did not even discuss the family finances, the man of the house handeled it all. My mother paid the bill, kept the insurance policies, and did all the family record-keeping.
So me?
~ I buy what I need when I need it wherever I can find it the quickest.
~ I pay the bills, although I keep trying to give the job to my husband.
~ I work. Perhaps because of my mothers example, but most likely because we need the money (duh).
What about you?
? ~ who does the finances in your house?
? ~ are you like your mother when it comes to financial matters? Or did the apple fall far from the tree.
? ~ last question ... and BE HONEST ... do you work:
a) Because your mother did?
b) Because you enjoy your career?
c) Because you need the $$$$$

Posted by sunybank at 02:29 PM

So, I found a place that does them for you ~ and this is as good a resolution as any!

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Spend more time snuggling puppies. Get your resolution here

Honestly, I don't "do" resolutions.
I have made them in the past, they just sit there, do nothing, and I make them again the next January first!
For instance ... every year lately I have resolved to create and stick to a budget ... do I? No!
Therefore, I see no need to discuss, create or publish New Years Resolutions.
That said, there are times when I beleive we should set some goals, and the new year may be as good a time as any for doing that! NOTE: (Perhaps Mr. Bush would like to set a goal of, let's say, maybe ... brining an end to the war in Iraq?)
Nice of me to set goals for others isn't it? Of course World Peace is something I pray for daily, but I believe it is not to be seen in our lifetime ... or the next generation's ... or the next ... I will do what I can ("Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me") and if we all do ... who knows what will happen?
But back to reality: For me, in my little span of the universe ... the things immediately within my control and ability ... I will set some goals. Now, whether or not I publish them here ~ that remains to be seen.
Do you have any goals for the new year?

Posted by sunybank at 08:47 AM

Typically, I am tired.
Typically, the company is gone, I have unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and thown the tablecloth and napkins in the washer.
Typically, it was a wonderful dinner ....
... and typically ...

When cleaning up I opened the refrigerator and found the relish tray of olives, pickles etc - that we forgot to put out with the dinner!
Well, maybe that is not so typical, it's usually the rolls in the oven that I forget.
What did you forget to serve today? C'mon, you know something got overlooked, fess up!

Posted by sunybank at 09:16 PM

What is that 6th sense that only Mom's have.
You know, the one that makes you the ONLY one who can find things that no one has seen in YEARS?!?!?!
Anyway, this morning my daughter thinks I am almost supernatural and heroic, so, I'll take that.
This week I'm going to need it!

Posted by sunybank at 08:35 AM

E-mail quiz thingy - mindless fun for a Saturday afternoon.
Received this from my friend Sharlene:
I did it and sent it back to her because she deserves to get it back, and learn a little about me (although we seem to see the same genre of movies ;~) ,
there may be other things she did not know about me.
How about you?

1. What time do you get up? 5:30

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? My Grandmothers

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Shrek 2

5. What is your favorite TV show? Everwood, Sopranos

6. What do you have for breakfast? coffee & cereal when I have time (or coffee in a travel mug and a breakfast bar while driving to work)

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? Jim Carey

8. What/who inspires you? Music

9. What is your middle name? Ruth

10. Beach, City or Country? I do love the beach ~ but my heart responds to country scenes, barns, fields and the air.

11. Favorite ice cream? Edies Espresso Chip (absoulutely perfect!)

12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? fresh popped on the stove with salt & little butter.

13. Favorite color? deep rich colors (like Sharlene) - right now I'm into burgundy

14. What kind of car do you drive? Ford Taurus wagon (boring, I know)

15. Favorite sandwich? Turkey ~ Muenster cheese ~ LTM - on Rye (can I have that now please?)

16. What characteristic do you despise? dishonesty

17. Favorite flower? Daisys and Black-Eyed Susans

18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Alaska

19. What color is your bathroom? Warm beige, peach and wood tones.

20. Favorite brand of clothing? Annie Says is a big favorite store lately ("it's not a store it's an obsession") as for brands, I'm a Liz Clairborne girl.

21. Where would you retire to? Right here ~ my house, New York State

22. Favorite day of the week? Friday - Saturday

23. What did you do for your last birthday? Out to dinner - I think - don't remember where

24. Where were you born? Kearny, NJ

25. Favorite sport to watch: Olympics - Summer or winter!

26. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Carolyn

27. Person you expect to send it back first? Debby

28. What fabric detergent do you use? What's on sale this week?

29. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Coke ONLY!

30. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Morning - (I love early mornings out doors in the mist - the birds - ahhh)

31. What is your shoe size? 9 1/2

32. Do you have any pets? YES One cat, one puppy (a 66 poound 7-month-old Berner)

33. What should you be doing now? Sunday school lesson and cleaning my house.

Posted by sunybank at 04:06 PM

Can you take a day off from work after a particularly insightful therapy session? Isn't that what they call a "mental health day".

What if one of the problems you discussed was your inability to "catch up" on all the work you have to do, both at work and at home ... and the fact that you are totally overwhelmed by it all?
In light of that thought ~ I'd better get my a$$ out of here to work and face the music.
***Addendum ~ so I come to work and it only gets worse! *^%$ *#^%

Posted by sunybank at 01:01 PM

With sincere apologies to those who have suffered the ravages of this hurricaine season ... we are being "dumped on" by Jeanne - with quite a lot of water (although nothing like Florida and other areas of the south) today.
What is it about rainy days that make you want to do nothing? Even when you have so much to do. I had lots of plans for this morning, but the gloominess of the day got into me and well ... now I find that it's time to go to work and I have not accomplished much of anything!
To make matters worse ummm more complicated no, better:

Birding Dad is home today, due to the weather.
Does anyone else notice that you get very little housework done with men hanging on you... underfoot home ? Honestly, they are worse than children!

Posted by sunybank at 12:52 PM

You're an earth mother! Your friends sometimes
call you Gaea, because you're the original
earth goddess! You and your kids both have
dirt under your fingernails, and you spend as
much of your time as possible out of doors.
Your kids have an incredible appreciation for
nature.

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
snagged from Kate

Posted by sunybank at 11:40 AM

OK, I did it. Maybe not the best way ... perhaps a little wimpy...

Thanks for all the helpful advice. Today I called the therapist - got her answering machine WOO HOO! (lucky me) and told her I would not be keeping my appointment this week ... nor would I be making any further appointments ... because I'm fine now , no really I told the truth "I have effectively ommited all the stress from my life", no, honestly I said ... "I am making some life changes, some work changes and I am going to work on those for now". Then I left my phone number if she needed to talk with me regarding this matter.

You don't think she'll actually call do you?

Posted by sunybank at 06:43 PM

Thinking about yesterday's post, I was reminded of the Carly Simon song "The Stuff That Dreams are Made Of"
I believe we need to focus on the "little things" and notice what we have (you know we are all damn lucky just to be living with a roof over our heads, enough money in our checkbook to buy groceries and a family that loves us). So "Just because you don't see shooting stars ... Doesn't mean it isn't perfect"
If you don't know the song, I've posted the lyrics..........

(carly simon)

Take a look around now
Change the direction
Adjust the tuning
Try a new translation
Don't look at your man in the same old way
Take a new picture
Just because you don't see shooting stars
Doesn't mean it isn't perfect
Can't you see...

It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's the slow and steady fire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's your heart and soul's desire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of

So what's this about your best friend?
She's got a brand new shiny boy
And they're moving out to malibu
To play with all his pretty toys
And you feel closed in by the same four walls
The same old conversation
With the same old guy you've know for years
But use your imagination
And you will see....

It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's the slow and steady fire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's your heart and soul's desire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of

What if the prince on the horse in your fairytale
Is right here in disguise
And what if the stars you've been reaching so high for
Are shining in his eyes

Don't look at yourself in the same old way
Take another picture
Shoot the stars off in your own backyard
Don't look any further
And you will see

It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's the slow and steady fire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's your heart and soul's desire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of

Posted by sunybank at 07:31 AM

Here I am with another day off.
I'm down staying with Michelle for two days ... supposedly to take care of the kids while she gets her rest....
but said kids, along with my kid appear to be taking care of themselves, so we're just hangin' out and talking ... well, we were, and now the kids have had lunch, and are playing downstairs.... and she's napping .... and I'm on-line!
Not a bad day at all!
But I keep wondering what's going on back at work it's nice not to be thinking about work at all!

Posted by sunybank at 03:33 PM

so when I say good-bye to my daughter ~ on this the first afternoon of her staying alone for a few hours ... we have to wave three times, her from the porch, me from my car at the end of the driveway.
As I pull out the driveway I am thankful for living in the country, where it is safe umm.. safer than some other places.
I am reminded of just how rural our town it is as I watch the tractor with the long sickle bar slicing through the tall grasses and wildflowers along the road in front of our property ...

... 1/2 hour later, while still on my commute ... my daughter calls my cell phone to say "Mom! I can't watch TV! There's no picture!"
My mind races ... did I pay the cable bill? I ask her to check the computer ... yep, no internet ...
She is now in a complete panic because what on earth will she do????
I call the cable company from the car: "no outages in your area" ... and then it hits me ~ THE TRACTOR! THE SICKLE BAR! MY CABLE!
I call my husband, and as soon as he gets home he checks ... sure enough, cut clean through! He calls and the cable guy says they will be there first thing in the mornings ... ummm... what? no TV? (the METS are playing tonight) no internet? (thank God I'm at work!)
...no, this will not be! Birding Dad to the rescue! He goes out to the road with his roll of electrical tape and within a half hour the METS are on TV! ~ ~ ~
The cable company can fine tune the splice in the morning.
... and you thought this entry was about being disconnected from my daughter????? Nah.... she was fine. No TV so she read two books.

Posted by sunybank at 11:15 PM

The concert last night was awesome, (I'll put up some pictures as soon as I get a chance), beginning at sunset and ending under the stars with a campfire and a community drum circle complete with dancing around the fire. The kids were great! I wish you could all have been there.
~then~

Woke up this morning to my husband leaving the room to go walk the pup. Looked at the clock it was 7:30!!! EeeKK! I overslept! I know it's Saturday, but I still have a 6 am wake-up call from Brandy! But, no, my wonderful husband let me sleep in, and so I continued to. When I awoke 1/2 hour later to sounds of him working in the kitchen, I decided it was time to get up and shower. I know it was a small thing, but it meant the world to me and I came downstairs, dressed, showered, rested and wanting to give him a big hug! I am starting my day with a whole new outlook! Not tired, worn out, aggravated about all the stuff I have to do ... but happy and looking forward to the day. I know that should be normal, but it's not for me.
What about you? do you start your day with a positive outlook, or a negative one?

Posted by sunybank at 08:33 AM

Yuck!
After that great long weekend (you did check out the pictures didn't you?) It's Monday, it's raining, and my daughter started day camp today, at a new camp!
What a rotten way to experience a "nature camp".
She seemed a bit bummed out, but I assured her that this would just mean more crafts!!!

(now I just have to be nervous all day because my baby is with people she doesn't know, and I don't know and in a new place .... )

Posted by sunybank at 11:17 AM

My sister's comment today was "I feel like the day to day living is hard this week".
She has, like the rest of us at times been pulled emotionally is all directions.

* A friend loses a husband in a car accident.
* A teen with an undiagnosed illness.
* Third and last child graduating HS ~ and then the monumental party to organize.
* A friend who has been separated from her husband for a year now suddenly reconciling ~ yet can it be trusted?

I feel like this sometimes, our homes, our families, our jobs are not enough to deal with. Life throws us more and more ~ and we shoulder it until we finally break down and admit I'm just going to sit here and cry because I can't deal with all this
My therapist says that's the "helpless child" in each of us.
I think it's the overwrought mother.
Do you ever feel this way? What is your outlet?

Posted by sunybank at 11:05 AM

OK, so contrary to my current "I mood" I'm not exactly "chillin'. But I do have the day off and birding girl is at a sleepover so.... this morning I can get the bills paid ummm.... let's say ....sorted by who get paid and who doesn't, clean up a little (emphasis on little), pick her up and celebrate the beginning of summer vacation!
Not sure what we will do ... there are a few errands, I did want to donate blood sometime this month, and we need to get to the town hall to get the pup her license (by the way, if you have a dog have you checked out dogster? C'mon, you dog needs a website too!).
Lets see... back to today...of course she will want to hit a movie, or the mall. ("not to buy me anythning mom, just you know, to walk around").
There's always a walk in the park, or just some games at home, or work on our scrapbooks. Working on my garden would be my choice, but probably not hers..... hmmm...
I'm taking her to work with me tomorrow and at lunchtime we will go to Barnes and Noble for some mocha latte her summer reading material.
Any suggestions? HELP!!! I am just NOT the spontaneous-fun-creative-mom type!

Posted by sunybank at 08:00 AM

it's nice to be up early, yes even on a Saturday, and enjoy the time while the rest of the house sleeps - just to be quiet, no music, no TV, no voices - just quiet.
Anyone up with me? Or would you rather sleep in?

Posted by sunybank at 07:36 AM

Woke up with what I was sure was conjunctivitis - now what ? -
gotta be at work at 9
work is one hour away
Dr's office opens at 8:30
actually can't go to work with "pink-eye"
or I could go to work and hit the Immedicenter (not on my plan will cost $$$$)
..... so I call the dr. - get a 10:20 appointment (WHAT!?! Nothing earlier???)
stay home with Upper Respiratory husband, sippin' Java, discussing what to do and not do about summer babysitting plans for our someone... and on this we don't agree.
I go to the dr to find out this is not conjunctivitis, but severe "allergy eyes" (WHAT!? But they are REAL itchey!!! I know I have allergies, but they do not affect my eyes, just my sinuses!!)
so I get some "allergy eye drops" and truck myself off to work.
... and here I sit thinking "hmmm... I could have stayed home, and no one would have been the wiser, then again, upper respiratory husband is home, and we all know how men are when they're sick - - - (sorry hon) - - - so I guess I'll get some more work done.

Off to CT tomorrow for a family baby shower. Out of the house by 8:30 am (which really means 9:15) and back at some time close to midnight.
Tonight I'll be wrapping gifts and getting ready for the ride up (kid, dog and all).
Sunday is booked up until about 4 pm (Sunday school, church and then serving at the soup kitchen - so THERE GOES THE WEEKEND KIDS ~ and no time to see Shrek 2 ! See you all on Monday!

Posted by sunybank at 02:53 PM

a day off? a day out???
I think I took the day just to step off the treadmill.
Middle of the day it started running too swiftly for me to keep up ~ almost had to leave a full basket of groceries in the supermarket aisle and run but I didn't have any idea of where to run or how.... so I talked to my hammering heart .... and kept planting one foot in front of the other. When I got home I tried (really I did) to get ready to go to work but the pounding in my chest and the racing in my head got the better of me. I caved. I cried. I went out in the sunshine. I fell asleep in the living room. I straightened the house (because I can't seem to relax when there is this mess around me) .... and I didn't go to work.
The family is happy to have me home for a change on a Thursday night. I'm feeling better ~ just a little numb.

Oh, I did see my doctor yeaterday, and he gave me a list of some therapists.
Today I tried to call to make an appointment, but got an answering machine, left a message, and waited all day for this chick to call me back. Off to a good start don'cha think? Tomorrow I'm sure I will be fine. Then the dr. will call and I won't know what to say.
I'm not crazy I'm just a little "unwell".....
... and I'm wondering why I tell you all this stuff ~ stuff I don't even tell my good friends ~ the ones I see face-to-face.... the paradox of blogging - tell complete strangers (although now I count you all as friends) - not the ones you love.
Bought this book the other day,

THE WORN OUT WOMAN
and today I actually took the time to start reading it!

Posted by sunybank at 09:26 PM

OK like I promised, I'll start with Friday.
"Flower Power Day" at someone's school.
Now she has told her entire class "I'll have the best hippie outfit, because my mom is helping me, and she used to be a hippie!
OK, now the pressure's on ~ like I don't already have enough stress!!!
Starting early in the week, ....

... we stay up late one night tye-dying a T shirt ("did you really do it like this mom?"). And I start later at night stringing "love beads" onto very long strands of fishing line (I think my eyesight was better in the late 60's). Thursday morning I cut out and start sewing a denim vest (didn't have any suede), iron on some patches (in my day we had to sew them on) ... then splash on some bleach, bleach a peace symbol on the back, into the washer and I'm off to work. Thursday I get home at midnight and start cutting fringe on the vest, stringing more love beads, and then pony beads onto the fringe.
Friday morning (I have a convention in NJ and must leave one hour earlier than normal) finds us up at 5:30 "crimping" all that long hair of hers.... (there's a lot of hair on this kid) ... and I'm watching the clock and gulping coffee with a stomach full of knots (.... crimp, count to 15, move the crimper down, crimp, count to 15, move....)
Finally VOILA!!!! the finished product ..... SO, HOW DID WE DO?

DID MY MOTHER REALLY LET ME GO TO SCHOOL LIKE THIS EVERY DAY?

CHECK OUT THOSE "LOVE BEADS"!

Posted by sunybank at 10:41 AM

Ok, Sorry and thanks for all the concern. I really didn't know some of you would miss me so much.
The Dr did call back; (full story in the extended entry)
Took a walk this morning with the pup. Now I'm trying to blog a little to get back to "normal" (is this a normal thing?). Anyway, here's a photo from our early morning walk in the mist.

Nature always brings me back in touch with reality and the importance of the simple things in life. There is so much beauty all around us, how could life be anything but beautiful?
Again, thanks for all the thoughts and concerns! You guys are great!

Friday night (29 hours later than expected). He apologized profusely and was very comforting and helpful on the phone. Freaked out a little yesterday at work and a co-worker had to come in and take me step-by-step through the mass of to-do stuff that was threatening to avalache over me ~ leaving me in a puddle of papers and tears. Thank-God for her, because I got it together in time to attend the next meeting in the series of three yesterday. I am still a little somewhat, OK, quite unbalanced, I am also prime-time PMSing, dropping by the doctor's this morning and getting a "referral" ~ 'nuff said.
So much is going on at work ~ the countdown to the review is now 6 days, and we will all be quite stressed until that is over ~ so don't expect much here in the blogging world. I have not even been reading blogs, so I don't know how everyone else is. (apologies for being so self-centered)
My wonderful husband is at the same time understanding and exasperated with me as he thinks I should drop everything and "take care of myself". Sometimes men don't understand that the mere act of "dropping" things that need to be done, stresses us more! So we yell and stamp our feet a little, and hug a lot.

Posted by sunybank at 09:23 AM

I am so emotionally fried today that I can not and will not speak of it here (or anywhere for that matter).
That said, I'll just waste your time and mine with a fun quiz from one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIES!

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Posted by sunybank at 10:48 AM

Are you a loser if you lose weight?
Or a Loser if you don't.
Me? I can only say that I managed to find those two or three pounds I lost a few weeks back. The end of April is rapidly approaching and I still apparently have 5 lbs to go!
Other notes good and bad:
~ Puppy does have a urinary tract infection, and is on anitbiotics. Hopefully her symptoms will subside in 24 hours (before I run out of newspaper)
~ I have a friend at work who left work last night at 9pm because her teenage daughter who left track practice was not at home, not picked up by her Aunt and not with her grandparents. Now today I cannot reach my co-worker at her home # and she is not at work (her day job). Concerned, and hope to hear from her soon!
~ someone got a great report card yesterday - then disolved into tears when going to bed because "everything is so rushed - I never have time to do everything - it's so hard to keep up with everything the teacher says in school - I just get one book put away and she's on to something else and I'm lost - I try to get my homework done but I always get so distracted - I can't stand not having the things done that I need to get done." {sigh} ----So where do we go with this? I can say that I am right there with her, my life is much the same as this ... but M and I seem to disagree on the severity of the problem. The reason could be that she does not open up these flood-gates with her dad. She goes to him with other types of problems. He and I had a discussion on it last night but ... the discussion did not go all that well.
~ Why is it when you have all good intentions on making amends to your family for the awful hours you work and the way you seem to neglect them, you come home, the stress starts and then no amends are made - it just gets worse. You wake up in the morning and vow to try harder today... and I will, honest.

Posted by sunybank at 09:41 AM

My focus has been pulled in many directions today.
Our choir sang ~ as church school superintendant I was in charge of implementing the "new" Sunday routine we are trying ~ my class of 5 girls sang also, so I had to settle them into their places ~
... someone had somefriend sleepover last night, and this ran right into another day after church.
M was still busy with the clearing of the rose bushes, and wanting me to help, but I was busy on the computer forging Golf Cart drivers licenses for Thelma and Louise.
~ trying to catch up on laundry ~ make lunch ~ clean up lunch ~ start dinner ~ and find some time to get outdoors on this incredible day!
So here are some photo replays of the day...

Thelma and Louise

Sportin' new licenses:

The new clearing;- This was all brush, mostly thorns,
can you see the stream in the back? Now we can too!:

My Goldfinches are almost fully yellow ~ Spring is really here:

Chipping Sparrow:

And finally, Brandy, Dad and I relax! ~ which one is cuter?

Posted by sunybank at 07:23 PM

OK, need to get some control of my life here. My life is running me ~ or it's running, and I'm trying to keep up with it. At any rate, I am not in control.
Deadlines are edging up, the laundry is piling, the papers on the desk are threatening a mutiny, my family is neglected, I have not exercised in weeks, there are dishes in the sink, stress is overwhelming me, and on ~ and on ~ and well, you know the routine, you’ve been there too. Right?
I am tired of feeling sorry for myself (not to mention, it doesn’t get me anywhere). I know I have no more stress that 10,000 other women out there. My physician says that the years between 30 and 50 are the most demanding and stressful in a woman's life (no &^%$ Sherlock).
So this feeling sorry for myself stuff has just GOT TO GO!
Now, that said, what do I do about it? How do I take control?
Oh, don't give practical advice either! I have been to all the "time management" seminars ~ and Fred Prior has preached all his organizational list-making, prioritizing strategies to me already.
I need advice from other over-stressed women who have some control over their lives. They’re out there, I know. I see them all over … or is it just that they appear to be in control. For that matter, do I appear to be in control. Is it all just about the illusion?

Posted by sunybank at 09:29 AM

I don't think I have yet come to the full realization that I have today off.
I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ~
except make breakfast, wash the floors, laundry, pay some bills, make lunch, clean up from breakfast and lunch, make dinner ...
well, it sounded good at the start.
Someone and I will end up in an argument because she wants to have friends over, and play a game with me, and do some scrapbooking with me, and have me help her clean her room, and read Harry Potter together ... and I will have to slap the wet dishrag of reality in her face to say "We can't do evreything in one day, sweetie" then there will be tears.
Don't get me wrong however, a day like this at home is still far better than a day at work.

Posted by sunybank at 09:12 AM

No, not my own sentiment (although I often have those days) but hers.
My little someone.
The days when the mom handbook is once again seriously lacking information are once again upon me.
After a melt-down triggered by my purchase of a new toy necessity for myself. .. you know the "why can't I have one?" -and- "then why can't I have a laptop?" -and- "when can I have a cell phone?" which led to a small lecture from me which led to:
"I hate that I am so selfish"
"I hate that I am never happy unless I have something to look forward to"
"My friends don't really like me"
"I do mean things and I can't stop myself"
"I can't stand it that I always feel guilty for things I did every day"
"When I feel guilty, I can't sleep until I tell you and dad about it, but then I'm aftaid you'll be disappointed in me"
"Mommy - How do you start your life over again because I don't like ME!"
... all this said through heart-felt sobs, you know, the kind where you are pouring your heart out to the one person who can help you ... but that one person is me, and I am just a first-time mom with no answers.

This one hurts, more than I can express here. How do you know when it's real and dangerous anguish, or if it's just a blue mood for a hormonal pre-teen? Where is the distinction between "playing on mom's heartstrings" to get some attention and the real cry for professional help before it's too late?
I could only hold her and offer positive exceptions to each negative (she has lots of friends - she can be quite generous at times - and she's not a terrible person).
Of course I did offer the honesty of what I went through at her age and even later, * the anguish of not fitting in with those who I thought were my friends (and being told so in just that many words)
* the feelings of being not good enough at anything
* not being at all happy with the person I was
This helped a little I think because she was quite suprised to hear this and of course said what any kid would say: "Mom really? and you turned out just perfect! I want to grow up to be just like you!" (gasp)
We prayed together, we hugged, and went on with our evening.
Now she and her poured out little heart are sleeping ~ and mine is breaking.
Perhaps I'll go wake up the other parent (who's sleeping in the recliner) and pour out my own heart to him. ~ ;-) misery loves company ~
and hopefully he'll understand, and offer some words of wisdom.
He's good at that, after all he's been through this twice before, (and I think that they both would agree)
But please feel free to stop by and add your own advice ~ I could use the support tonight.

Posted by sunybank at 11:37 PM

Time to take some control here, well, of my life in general, but right now a few specifics.
* First, the weight thing. I feel that I have at least a few loyal readers (maybe even 5 or 6). They say (who are they, anyway) the more people you tell, the more apt you are to stick with something. So I oficially announce here that I WILL LOSE 5 POUNDS BY THE END OF APRIL (after that, we'll set a new goal).
As for exercise, the past few weeks there has been a "valid excuse of the day". (a sinus headache, need to go to work early, the puppy, I fell off a ladder and I'm dizzy, too many chores; and now it's this new thing with the palpitations or APCs or skipped beats or whatever that has plagued me for the past three nights please, please, please - don't say it's the coffee)
Well, regardless of all that, I will return to my usual 3-days-per-week of exercise to assist in the weight loss.
As for the other areas ~ I'll post more tomorrow. One tper day should be more than enough to handle.
So ~ PLEASE stop by and encourage me to "Step Away from the Biscotti" ~ and "Get Some Control!"

Posted by sunybank at 06:49 AM

Brandy slept through the night just fine. She has a crate-pen-litterbox contraption that M created and arranged in my kitchen.
As to Friday's reference to ladders. I fell. Stupid. Hanging drapes. Stepped from the third rung of a step-ladder to a low stool. Stool went one way, I went the other. The result was slamming the back of my head into the metal divider between the sliding glass doors. Noise, pain, blood and tears (tears were someone's when she saw the blood running between my fingers as I held the back of my head). Ultimately, no sutures, no trip to the ER. Just a late night (M was worried I might have a concussion). lots of Advil, lots of ice packs and a two-day headache.
Was this a fitting end to that Friday? You know, the one with the corporate bosses and graduation?
Speaking of graduation:

The ceremony went well, and in fact was over early. Why did I get home late? Well my boss (the one with no social graces), stood up at the coffee-and-cake reception and said "OK, I'm heading home", leaving the Vice President of the company there with no where to go at not-even-9 pm except his hotel room. Don't think he's earning any Brownie Points here.
If you have out-of-town corporate visitors isn't it your job to entertain them, or at least offer?
Luckilly a few of us remained, a suggestion was made and we went out for a glass of wine. Now this man was our boss about 11 years ago, so us old-timers had some catching up to do anyway. Had a nice time.
Got home and M was hanging curtain rods ~ someone was still at church youth-group, and I was wide-awake and anxious to get up on that ladder!
(which by the way has perfectly good first and second rungs ~ I just don't like doing things the conventional way)
Now we're off to church, and then home to play with the pup!

Posted by sunybank at 08:02 AM

Just got back from visiting the doctor
~ yearly physical type of thing.
But, we gat talking, he asked questions, I answered, and I have to say, it's nice having a doctor who will listen to you, and not think you are crazy, or just over-stressed, "don't worry you're perfectly healthy".
We worked through some stuff, will try some changes, visit again in a month and maybe some day I'll be closer to being a normal person.
"nuff said.
I think I feel better already.

Posted by sunybank at 11:26 AM

Home today, go figure.
The worst of it is over. Actually I think the dad got the worst of it last night.
I am hearing the welcome words "Mom, I'm a little hungry".
We'll read some more Harry Potter, then try some lunch.
Been cleaning bathrooms (plural)
- Why is it we need more than one bathroom in a home? and why is is that sick children must use each and every one of them when the urge to purge comes upon them? (You set up one bathroom, close to the bedroom with all the necessary sick supplies, and before you know it they are running downstairs, carrying their bucket and ALMOST make it to the downstairs bathroom ~ miss the bucket ~ miss the toilet ~ etc.)
So, I am cleaning, Lysol of course. The dad did clean up too, but he thinks that any old cleaner will do. I was brought up on Lysol. Period. Kills germs.
Actually, I still remember my grandmother cleaning everything with CN. Talk about strong cleaners ~ takes the finish off your tub, and the skin off your hands. Never heard of CN? Well then you are probably also too young to know that Paul is dead. Try playing your CDs backwards ~ I'll bet you'll learn no dark secrets that way. And you probably clean with swiffer wet jets!
{sigh} Oh, for the good old days.
One bathroom to clean ~ with caustic cleaners ~ while you played your albums backwards.

Posted by sunybank at 12:36 PM

A special day today.
Our granddaughter was baptized, so we spent our Sunday morning worship experience in a church far different from our own.
We attend a small country-village United Methodist church with an average attendance of 50 - 60 at Sunday service. Our choirs number 2, with about 7 members in each.
The church we attended today is also a United Methodist church, with 3 Sunday services, three bell choirs and five voice choirs. The bell choir played, the youth choir (about 25 children) sang and the regular choir of about 30 voices ~ filled the church! (...and wafted to the balcony, also filled with people)
Oh, to have that music every Sunday. {sigh}
The Baptism was beautiful, five baby girls were baptized, but of course, our granddaughter was the most adorable.
When we got home mid-afternoon we took a ride up the mountain to visit the brother of one of the old-timers in our church. These two farmer/brothers have a small maple syrup process and today they were boiling. I have never seen this done, and someone was quite impressed and asked so many questions you would have thought she was writing a report for school. We stood in the shed with a wood-fired boiler. I don't think I'll soon forget the heat of the wood stove, the hissing sound of the boiling syrup and the sweet smell of that steam coiling around the vented ceiling, sometimes clouding our view of one another.
Of course we came home with a quart of home-town syrup, and we are making pancakes for dinner (something my husband never agrees to! (of course we ate enough after the Baptism, that we should be banned from food for the remainder of the day).

Posted by sunybank at 09:52 PM

Snagged this from michele at coffeesoup.
Had a great time with it!
Do a google image search of your name!
You've got to see what I came up with!

These are all the faces of me, and honestly, some of them are quite a self-realization:

...on my serene days, I get this from my past life as a sufraggette

OOpppss... sorry, not me

What I would like to be in my next life ~ (or maybe a bird)

"she is a song that's not easy to write" ~ hey, can anyone play this?

Where my heart is on most days

Me in the early 70's

Then I grew up ... and ... well ...

if you could be inside my head ~ here's how my brain works

This is my "not very complex" self ~ the clothes make the girl

AND HERE SHE IS:

The real me, simple, lovable, waiting for a hug.

Posted by sunybank at 07:21 AM

It is far too late in the year to worry about which parent stays home to "wait for the start of school".
This snow has already caused me too much strain. Last night, with my boss' poor decision to keep night school open (until the eleventh hour when he decided maybe we should have cancelled ~ now they are all on the road already on their way) created a wasted night.
* at least two car accidents (minor)
* two faculty members did not make it (leaving me in the classroom all night instead of at my desk getting my stuff done)
* less than 1/3 of the student body attended, making it worthless for anyone to actually teach anything
* as it was still snowing, we dismissed at 8 pm when the major traffic was cleared.
* it took me 2 hours to get home on very icy, snowy, miserably neglected back country roads (I love living in the country ~ I do)
* Now there is a 2-hour delay

So, how's everyone else's day?

Good things:
*HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

~ We'll be wearin' some green in this house.
Want to test your Irish knowledge? Take this Quiz (snagged from Michelle)
* Got my new Dell yesterday!! Hooray! No time to hook it up (work is always getting in my way)
*only 10 more days 'till puppy day!

Posted by sunybank at 06:33 AM

You have got to be kidding!
I am in Spring mode!
I put away the gloves and hats!
And at the worst possible time of the day.
It is now 10:45, and I am due to go to work in 2 1/2 hours and stay until 11 pm.
Can this really be happening on the 16th of March?
BTW ~ it's my beloved's Birthday today. I won't disclose his age, but he looks pretty good in my book!

(psst... he's the one in the green jacket)
We got up early and had a home-cooked breakfast and he opened gifts, we sang, had balloons, candles and all, and then I drove someone to school to gain us 45 minutes together at home.
Anyway, stop by and wish him a Happy Day!

Posted by sunybank at 10:56 AM

Getting lots done this morning, but not a lot of time to write!
*The snow is gone and I am inspired by the views of spring outside my window.
This morning I saw a flash of GOLD on a goldfinch, and yesterday's snow is just a minor set-back. But in the early mornings, when I open the door to the deck, I can smell spring.
* I am thinking of changing the name of my blog to "The View from My Window" or something like that. I am constantly AT my window watching nature, and then again ~ my blog is my view on life. What do you think?
* Go over and check Debra's site She's hosting a "contest" for who's daughter's room is the messiest ~ as someone has been trying real hard lately, I think this is another contest I will not win ~ then again, there is no prize ~ just a "case of notoriety"
* Are you watching our countdown? What? You haven't seen the puppy pics in the gallery? Well ~ go look! This weekend we hope to go pick which bundle of fluff we get to bring home on the 27th. I'll post more pictures.
* Gaining some control today by balancing checkbooks! (Oh ~ what's that? You do yours weekly? Ha ha ha ha ha ~ ummm... not me). Sometimes it's very enlightening to see the actual balance. Now I'm on my way to the bank to transfer some $$$$ (go figure). Then off to work!!!!!

Posted by sunybank at 12:15 PM

A quick trip, and a quick $200. +
Jeans and shirts for Michael, and he showed me the power tool he needs for his birthday. (hint - hint)
Easter dress, skirt and blouse, jeans jacket, spring jacket (which she will wear next fall) and beach towel (dolphins of course) for someone.
(nothing for me except a Yankee Candle Fresh Cotton tart)
KFC on the way home and we are SET to watch the SOPRANOS ~
But ... do not call me, or message me until 11! ! ! !
La la la la la .... I can't hear you!!!!!!
We have to tape it as we do not invite Tony Soprano into our home until someone is safely in bed and out of earshot (What the #@*^?). As she is still practicing her flute, it looks like at least 9:30. Why don't we have TIVO????

Posted by sunybank at 08:57 PM

Sunday, home from church, done with bagels and getting ready to attack some projects around here when my husband says he thinks he's "going to the mall"
~~~~
there is a moment of palpable silence in the kitchen.
Husband *cringing* thinks: "what did I just get myself into?"
Daughter *sits up tall - wide eyed* thinks: what can I spend $$$ on?
Me *pulse increased slightly* thinks: "there are so many things I need at the mall but what about the laundry and the paperwork that is piled up here?"

anyway ~ no time to write any more ~ we're off!!!!

Posted by sunybank at 03:00 PM

Some days it's just harder to schedule your work than others.
*Need to visit a student on-site ~ but they don't want me until after 1:30 but before 3:00.
*Need to hold a 15-minute meeting with some students here ~ but they have a test until 2:00.
*Need to go get some lunch ~ but can't leave the building because someone is coming in to meet with me "soon".
I am forced to be reactive ~ and so my very proactive "to-do-list" has once again gone "out the proverbial window"
Time-management elves please!
feelin' the need to just take charge ~ barge into this office on my own time ~ interupt the test ~ and well, as usual, skip lunch!

Good news though ~~~ SOPRANOS returns Sunday night on HBO!!!
forgive me ~ I can't wait
word is: "no one is safe this season"
or in other words "anyone can get wacked"
???who do you think???

Posted by sunybank at 01:08 PM

Had a busy morning ahead of me, then I got a phone call from someone saying I "can't come in and help out in the classroom today because of the Terra Nova testing". She was very sad.
Me? Ummm... not as sad as I should be, and feelin' a little guilty about that.
Now I'm going to go work out, come home and pay some bills, and maybe not have to RUSH out the door to work!
Kinda like a small gift ~ on a rainy day.

4:30 pm ~ Addendum:

so how exactly did I end up "rushing" out the door 40 minutes late??
*but* there was one highlight to this, on the way to work, got a call from my husband ~ he's on the road ~ nearby ~ taking a little detour ~ there's my car ~ pulls over ~ just to give me a kiss!
silly, maybe. But he made me laugh, and now I feel better.

Posted by sunybank at 09:30 AM

Did it! The new computer is on - the - way!
Oh, and I did manage to go food shopping too. (Am I just SUPER MOM or what?)
~ had to skip the workout this morining though, and no time to eat ~
~ well, except for that piece of pineapple-upside-down cake (only because it was convenient and quick)
Behold! did anyone notice the new addition to my site?
Go look!
Over there! On the left! A thought for the day!
Thanks M "Oh Great Web Master" ~ as ususal, you're the best!
P.S. anyone out there? Stop over and wish the Princess a great vacation!

Posted by sunybank at 08:34 PM

as usual, too much to do, too little time:
the question is this:
* do I go to Curves? ~ then food shopping?
* do I skip Curves ~ run through the supermarket ~ come home and clean?
* do I do one more load of laundry before I run out the door ~ thereby not leaving enough time to do anything else?
* or do I say to ^%$$ with all of it ~ stay here ~ get on-line and order my new DELL computer? **free hard drive upgrade** if I order on-line today!

Posted by sunybank at 10:11 AM

On the way to work today, in the middle of the day, I saw a man, standing on a bridge over a stream (actually a spillway for a lake) with a loaf of bread in a plastic bag ... and he was throwing the bread one broken-up piece at a time, into the stream below ... apparently feeding ducks or geese.
Not an old man, a middle-aged man.
Not a derelict or homeless man (in fact his new-ish car was parked nearby).
He didn't appear to be disabled, physically or mentally.
He was just a man, casually dressed, spending his early afternoon throwing an entire loaf of bread, to the ducks

Why ~ in this age of "hustle-climb-stress-image-propriety-is-everything", can't I just accept this?
Why is this so strange?
A man decided to spend his afternoon relaxing, feeding the ducks.
Period.
Just like we all did when we were 5 - and if truth be know, would want to be doing again.
Good for him.
But I can't stay and watch, I'm late for work.

Posted by sunybank at 11:55 PM

* ever have one of those days?
bank, laundry, exercise, phone calls, paperwork, and stuff --- about 2 1/2 hours to get it all done - and yet I don't know where to start - and really just want to sit here with my coffee cup -
* ever have the same outfit as a co-worker? ... and don't know if today is the "safe" day to wear it or not? (e-gads! one of us would have to go home!)
* ever have a project to do that you just can't get started on?
* ever want to just sit and look out your window?????
I have snow (gently falling - not that dreadful stuff), birds and wildlife just aching to be watched today .... but alas, I'll get on with it ... let's see, where to start ... ?

Posted by sunybank at 09:11 AM

Feelin' like a Monday, and aren't they really all the same?
Had a great weekend, nothing special, just home time (which is so lacking during the week for me due to the late hours at work) - chillin' a little.
Our contemporary choir sang in church yesterday, and it went very well, seemingly no repercussions - yet. It felt good to sing. I forgot how much I enjoyed being part of a choir. I really worship best when I sing.
Made a real dinner last night (not that weeknight slap-something-together and call-it-dinner). Now there are actually leftovers to get us through a meal or two this week.
"Someone" came home Friday night all excited because she got a solo in her school play, a music solo. We're feeling proud and a little apprehensive as we remember the stress during last year's drama-club season.
Got some work done around the house that will take us one baby-step closer to our goal of finishing the "other side" to rent.
And now - back to work with all the electric anticipation of what new things await me in the world of post-secondary education!

Posted by sunybank at 08:54 AM

what a weekend so far.
Friday night - out to a very special Valentines dinner. of course too much rich food and wine just makes me tired and stomach-achey - so then I'm not so very romantic after all.
Saturday - up early - shared our valentines -me-hubby-and daughter (who had to go on a scavenger hunt to find hers) and then got ready to baby-sit the granddaughters (2+ and less than 1). Got two granddaughters and the grand-dog. Thank God for my daughter (11) who can and did help so much. I managed to make a batch of Valentine cookies and ... and ... I think that's it. I made bottles - fed babies - let the dog in and out - and entertained the little ones and ...

When their parents came in my husband was busy making dinner for us all.
When they went home (10:30) I really just wanted a glass of wine, but I settled on hot coffee to try to give me the energy to clean up -- never got it. Do not get me wrong, I love my grandchildren - and the day was filled with special moments and lots of laughs. I just forget how mothers of little ones get anything done, and I forget how tired you are at the end of the day!
At 5:45 AM the cat knocked a glass off the counter waking us up - and here I am.
At least now the kitchen is cleaned up, and I am working on my Church School lesson (that I never got to yesterday).
Am I just too old for this? Is it because I never had more than 1 child of my own? Maybe I'm not organized enough.
At any rate, today, after church, I will chill (lol) --- at least for an hour.
... and tomorrow I have the day off.

Posted by sunybank at 06:57 AM

Addendum: Mom and sister offered to take someone tomorrow and fit her amidst their respective meeting and jobs and actually it may turn out well.
And I just got a phone call from a sweet someone to say goodnight. Amazing how much that can center me.
I am blessed with a wonderful family.

Posted by sunybank at 10:23 PM

perhaps its hormonal,
perhaps AADD,
... or too much coffee?
the tension inside me is threatening to explode - building up to a crescendo to ultimately crash straight through the center of my chest. I am keenly aware of it consuming my muscles straight to my hands (which feel like they are tremoring, yet are perfectly still) and to my feet (which I am having trouble keeping still) - the "noise" in my head is intense.
Don't talk to me - DON'T play music around me - don't ask me anything!
I can not take another person presenting me with a problem to solve - asking me to make a decision on something - or what the plan is for next Tuesday - and when I look at the pile of papers on my desk I don't seem to recognize any of them as even vaguely familiar.
I am taking a break, I have shut my door.

It is 10:00 pm and I have an hour to go here.
And oh, tomorrow there is no school for my daughter AND I STILL AM NOT SURE WHERE SHE IS GOING TO BE!
I want to shut out the onslaught here at work and secure plans for my "someone who is more important than anything else" In the meantime one of my staff is leaving for a maternity leave and we are trying to find 10 minutes amongst the chaos to give her a gift and a fond farewell - we just found them but it came off looking more like "here take this and go - have a good baby and hurry back"
...nice, real nice. Perhaps she didn't notice as her students threw her a beautiful shower tonight - food, gifts, balloons, favors and all!

...me? I need help, a therapist -- medication -- or just my pillow.

Posted by sunybank at 10:21 PM

We all love special things and moments that probably mean nothing to other people - but what we love and hate defines us and makes us unique.

I admit, I love falling asleep on the couch under an afghan
I love movies with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan
I love Peach Iced Tea (Crystal Light)
I love Pentel Hybrid Gel pens (Red, Blue and Black) - don't touch mine!
I love my stairs in my foyer
I love watching snow fall at night and listening to the silence of it
I love Dunkin' Donuts coffee
I love Jan Karon books - The Mitford Series
I love Edy's Espresso Chip Ice Cream
I love when my daughter whispers "I love you mommy" as I adjust her covers at midnight

I hate waking up on the couch and finding that it's 2 am
I hate being cold (and I am every night after 10 pm)
I hate having to wear glasses to read anything and everything anymore!!!
I hate that people I love very much have died - and I still miss them daily
I hate that I have to work full-time, even though I like my job
I hate waiting for my computer to load a page (I need a new computer!)
I hate waiting for anything!
I hate not having time to spend with friends
I hate chalk on a blackboard
I hate being unsure of myself (and I always am)

Can you relate? Can you list ten of each? Five?

Posted by sunybank at 11:41 PM

Save me someone, I'm crashing again.
Too much to do
it's getting late
not enough time
can't find the piano book
no one is moving fast enough for me
the cat threw up on the rug
I am snapping
I am stressing
I am psycho-stress-mom-from-Hell again!

kiss them good-bye (did I do that with attitude?? - Sorry!)

What I want to do is sit here with my coffee (Oh, that's what I need more caffeine) and do nothing -
What I will do is go back to tackle the laundry, clean the rug, take out the garbage, try to organize this stack of papers, clean up the kitchen, pick up socks - and then - I'll go work out.

Posted by sunybank at 08:44 AM

Ok ... we did it, although my husband says "I didn't do anything, you did it all"
Pulled off a small social gathering of friends with ease and elegance. "Afternoon tea" if you will, all quite benign - no rum in the eggnog. Entirely the over-70 crowd of neighbors - some piano playing and singing, devoured the last tray of Christmas cookies and everyone left saying "This was a wonderful time"
(This coming from neighbors who all but gave us the "cold shoulder" a month ago - which concerned us, hence these plans).
Whew .... was I Mary Bailey again for a brief afternoon?
Tomorrow I will be psycho-stress-mom-from-hell again as we resume our normal routine.
(want to hear what it goes like?)

6:40 AM Ok guys time to get up (I have already showered)
6:50 am "anyone listening? time to get up" (I have dired my hair)
7:00 am (I turn on the bedroom TV) "Lets go guys!"
7:10 am (I am dressed) phone rings - it's my sister and I try to talk while putting on makeup and making coffee and pulling bodies from beds
7:20 am "hold on a minute - IS ANYONE LISTENING GET UP NOW!!!"
skip to later -
8:10 "did you finish your breakfast?" "brush your teeth?" "pack your backpack?" "c'mon I don't want to yell but ...." "the bus will be here in five minutes" "what are you doing NOW???" "Did you hear me?"
Anyway, you get the picture - and it will be worse than usual this week, as it's PMS time!!!!!
Look out family and please remember, I really do love you guys :~)

Posted by sunybank at 06:39 PM

 

January 03, 2004

It's almost over

A day (or two) left, and it is officially no longer the holidays.
I have one more small gathering tomorrow afternoon. Of course this one involves meticulous house cleaning, as this is not family, it's neighbors (whose floor you could eat off any day - any time). So now I must play the ruse that I too keep an immaculate house!
The up side is, that when they leave tomorrow afternoon, my house (at least the first floor) will still be clean and I can start the week that way. (By the way - no one goes upstairs - our story will be that the stairs are unsafe, and we have to have them checked for stability).

Posted by sunybank at 03:49 PM

 

January 01, 2004

New Year - New Dog?

New Years Resolution:
A new pet!! (no, not yet!)
We have been arguing for the past year about what type of dog to get. The arguments has gone like this Golden Retreiver / German Shepherd (repeat over and over).
Well, Tuesday night we saw one of these, and all three of us fell in love:

Bernese Mountain Dog

If you know us well, and know our family dog history - you will see why we love this dog. Since Tuesday we have done tons of web research, and come up with several local breeders. We are going to send out some e-mails to see if anyone will have spring puppies. We have taken two on-line surveys to see if this dog is compatible with our family and it seems to be a "yes"
Wish us luck in our search!

Posted by sunybank at 01:33 PM

 

December 31, 2003

Ahhh... snacks

Just setting up some music ...
The table is full of snacks ...
a little wine ...
and MONOPOLY! Settling in for a long game.
Hope everyone enjoys their New Years Eve -

Posted by sunybank at 06:35 PM

 

A DAY OFF!

Hey! A day off. Hmmmm... what do people do with a day off, when there is no holiday preparations?
Looks like we are going to do a little scrapbooking - last spring's "trip to Disney" photos are all in a box and we have a day to start going through them.
Well, that's after we hit the supermarket and buy up all the snacks we can for tonight. Skipping dinner by the way .... no need for real food, it doesn't leave any room for snacks!

Posted by sunybank at 10:51 AM

 

December 30, 2003

My Parents

I love my parents!
Why? Well, lots of reasons of course - but here's one more:
Yesterday they took the typical seniors-bus-trip-to-Atlantic City.
They have not done this before. When I asked how it was ----
"long ride"
"a long way to go to waste your money"
"had a good time I guess"
"we enjoyed walking on the boardwalk"
"we had a good time because we were together"
THAT"S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THEM!
They are not typical stereotyped retired people!
They are unique, they are where I got my love of nature and especially birds (I know they were on that boardwalk looking for shore birds), and they like each others company!
Way to go Mom and Dad! I love you!

Posted by sunybank at 08:04 AM

 

December 28, 2003

Back to work?!?!?!?

The end of a five-day-weekend. Five days may be too many days spent home with my family. Too many days of domesticity, I fear I may not be able to return to my business self. Two-day weekends never cause this problem. I never completely relax unless it is at least a three-day weekend. But FIVE DAYS! What was I thinking? And five days at home is more of a problem than seven or ten spent on a vacation. Vacation has a different routine and it's own stresses (not that home has no stresses - you have only to read my last week of entries to be convinced of this).
Alas, I will go ... and by mid-morning I will feel that I have never left, never been Mary Bailey (or even ever wanted to be).
But it was fun while it lasted.

Posted by sunybank at 11:07 PM

 

December 27, 2003

figgy pudding?

Oh no!! I forgot the plum pudding that I bought for my dad and I to share on Christmas Day! (We're the only ones who like it).
There it is ... still under the tree. And it was going to be a suprise for my dad.
Would Mary Bailey forget the Plum pudding???

Posted by sunybank at 03:29 PM

 

I AM MARY BAILEY!

I think I have finally made it.
My house is again clean, my daughter is playing her new air hockey game with neighbor's kids - while I dance over to the "game room" with bowls of snacks.
I put up a fresh pot of coffee while I bake one more batch of cookies. The love of my life and I sit and talk over coffee and cookies - in a Christmas-decorated house.
- - sigh - -
(now, don't even go upstairs where the laundry is taking over every available space - and you too can live this illusion).

Had a great time yesterday with the grandchildren and my step-daughter and her husband. The boys and Jess played with all their new stuff and we ate more snacks then any other 7 people could consume in a week. On a purely selfish note - I GOT MY NEW DISHES!!!! Well at least got started on them thanks to my wonderful step-daughters (who are also my best friends) - (not just because of the dishes).

Any there's still one more day to the weekend!!!!

Posted by sunybank at 03:26 PM

 

December 21, 2003

All is calm ...

Isn't this what the Saturday before Christmas is all about?
Shopping with the family ... not getting upset that you can't find a parking place ... buying yourself and your daughter festive Christmas sweaters (OK, so that is me in the obligatory 40-something-mom novelty sweater and I'm proud of it) ... watching your child talk to Santa (more about that tomorrow) ... coming home to a quick hiding of presents from one another ... a quick easy dinner of pasta ... and then ... watching "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE".
So be proud of me that I didn't stress over the Christmas cards yet to write ... the cookies yet to be baked ... the laundry yet to be done ... the house that desperately needs cleaning ... and OH ... there's the tree ... still on the porch! That's tomorrow's project ... after church.
Ahhh... Church on Christmas Sunday, I honestly can't wait. God is good, and today more that usual, I know in my heart that He is good to me!

Posted by sunybank at 01:49 AM

 

December 19, 2003

Ahhhh... that's more like it.

Quiet, and I want my bed!
Our 9-year-old house guest for a week has left ... leaving behind a much quieter version of our 11-year-old daughter (Peace at last!) No, really, she wasn't any trouble. It's just that when you are used to one child, to suddenly have two for a week, two giggling non-stop-talking girls ... well, let's just say "Ahhhh, quiet".
OK, parties are over, first round of gifts were exchanged with all the obligatory ooohhs and aahhss. Had a great time today at the "day staff" party/gift exchange(well except for the annual minor incident of "who-forgot-their-gift because someone-is-without-a-gift and who-had-that-person")
Want to read this story?

So in a panic the Elf-In-Charge says @#$% there's no gift for "C". So I say "here!" and hand over my already-wrapped emergency (just in case you forgot someone) gift.
We pretend this is her gift, and she never knows, until someone remembers who had her name (someone from the evening staff who was at last nights party), and remembers seeing a gift with that givers name (albeit a different recipient) on the tag. We assume the giver just got the recipient's name wrong -
So now sheepishly the ELF-IN-Charge and I give the actual (or so we think) gift to "C" with an explanation and appologies and "Oh no, no need to give back the other gift) and all seems well.
Untill - "C" goes to her employee mail box and finds a gift certificate to her from that giver!!!!! Now, if your following the story, "C" has three gifts!!!
At the mention for the 20th time of the givers name, a memory stirs in one on the afternoon teachers who claims that the second gift we gave "C" is really one she was holding for a student!!!!
Now we quickly take gift #2 back from "C" - rewrap it - and pass it on to the student (who is clueless that any of this went on).
So .... anyway .... that was our entertainment today at the party.

Posted by sunybank at 11:07 PM

 

AAaggghhh...

AAaggghhh....
I will never get out of this house this morning!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by sunybank at 08:54 AM

 

December 18, 2003

On the fifth day of Christmas

One more noise and my head will explode -- I just need it QUIET for a few minutes, but as soon as it is quiet I see the presents to be wrapped, gifts yet to be made, potato salad to make, cards yet to be written and the dryer is buzzing!!!!! .. but that other noise is the microwave beeping to tell me that the coffee I reheated 20 minutes ago is still waiting for me to come and rescue it from the microwave ... only to find it's cold and needs to be reheated for 20 sec.
My Advent devotional for today speaks about the gift of time spent with loved ones. I didn't read it before my family went out the door followed by my calls of "hurry up - did you forget this? - where is your homework? - put on your gloves" However I'm sure I managed an "I love you" or two in there somewhere - I hope that's what they are remembering this morning while I go rescue my coffee cup.

Posted by sunybank at 09:26 AM

 

December 17, 2003

My First Day!

Whee!! I have a web log!!!
and most importantly, it is a gift from someone who means the world to me ... and it thrills me to think that she would do this for me --- spontaneously!
THANK YOU Michelle! I love you.
Of course I am not sure who wants to listen to my disjointed-ADD-polyphasic thoughts, but it will be good for me to write them down.
Holiday stress - trying hard to remember the reason for the season (which by the way is not "see who can buy the most and best presents") and enjoy the spirit of love that prevails in the advent season.
This is the year I was going to "Simplify" ---- but I never had the time to read that book!
So... it's shop-till-you-drop .... or have to go off-line and back to work, which is what I am going to do now.
Hang in there, I'll get better at this!

Posted by sunybank at 11:44 AM