Having our "do nothing" 3-day weekend (which is apparently less than fun for a 13 year old) ... we decide to take a short walk up town with the dogs to see how Magic (the new guy) will handle the parade tomorrow. He's a little spooky of cars and noises and such.
So the three of us, and the two large dogs set off into the Village to walk on main street.
We were having a great time, and then there they were, walking towards us. A group of trying-too-hard-to-look-cool teen girls. Imagine my suprise when my daughter whispers "Mom, that's "K" - and I see this girl in a short mini denim skirt - tight black cut-away T shirt - heavy black eyeliner on the one eye I can see under the sleek BLACK hair covering half her face. Not at all the girl I knew last year ... and in this crowd, some other girls who are aquaintences of my daughters, but also one of her very closest friends, "O".
The fact that we had the dogs, and the dogs know at least two of these girls very well, made it hard for them to walk by us ignoring us.
No, they stopped to pet the dogs, make a bit of a fuss over them and we said our "hello's" ... but "K" NEVER EVEN SAID SO MUCH AS "HI" TO MY DAUGHTER - NEVER EVEN LOOKED IN HER DIRECTION!!!.
The other friend "O" was friendly and all, but clearly needing to be as cool as the crowd - did not linger too long. We walked on in silence.
Back at home, I went upstairs where Birding Girl had retreated to finish up some homework and asked her. "Did it embarass you a little to run into them while walking with your geeky parents - while they were clearly walking in town alone?"
She admitted that it was a little embarrasing, but that she is OK with it, because she knows that now and then, when she sees "K" alone, or catches her on IM they still chat like they used to. It's just the appearance she wants to make, Mom. And I can't help it if it's that important to her"
Truth is - I know it hurts - I was there, at 13 - and the memory of that time is not pleasant. There I was, hanging with the cool crowd for two years of Middle School until suddenly they decided my family did not have enough money, and my father didn't wear a suit to work, and my mother drove an old truck and worked as a crossing guard, and we lived in an old house and didn't even have a SHOWER in our tub ... and BAM ... they dropped me like a hot potato! I was crushed, but worse, I could not tell my parents for fear that they would feel it was their fault! My sister finally got tired of me crying alone in our room and told the parents. I remember my Mom asking me "Do you think we're poor?" - and that hurt, 'cause we were far from poor - we just weren't rich, but somehow that makes a huge difference in 13-year-old circles.
I shared this memory with Birding Girl this afternoon ... we had some quiet moments. "I just want you to know, " I said "I understand", and she "OK, mom, really, it's OK"